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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27676390">I Love You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/meitaroangst/pseuds/meitaroangst'>meitaroangst</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kamen Rider, Kamen Rider Ex Aid, Tokusatsu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fix-It, Gemn vs Lazer rewrite of the kiriemu scene, HOUJOU EMU FINALLY SNAPS, Hurt/Comfort, KIRIEMU PAIN? YOU FUCKNG BETCHA!, M/M, This scene lives rent free in my head 24/7, Whump, emu loses his bf AGAIN, flashbacks takes place during episode 12 of ex aid, this fic is so fucking painful</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:20:55</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,176</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27676390</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/meitaroangst/pseuds/meitaroangst</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Emu failed to save Kiriya dying again. He lost him forever.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Houjou Emu &amp; Kujou Kiriya, Houjou Emu/Kujou Kiriya</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I Love You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>ohohohohoho! This is a painful Kiriemu fic that I'll remember forever. This is my first fix-it fic I've written. I'm proud of it and I worked on it for 3 weeks. I'm really proud of it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Kiriya-san!” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu quickly ran to Kiriya’s side as heavy rain fell from the sky.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> No… Kiriya-san… y-you can’t die again… </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>His thoughts went through his head. Emu lost him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He didn’t protect him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He failed.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu just saw Kuruto die from his own eyes. He couldn’t feel nothing but hurt inside his chest, seeing people die.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It just hurts him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu puts on the wet doctor’s coat on Kiriya, raindrops falling down his face. They were too close, face to face. He holds Kiriya’s arm. Emu could feel his heart racing like if he was running a marathon. Cheeks almost red than a tomato.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>They both raise their heads in sync. Emu couldn't feel anything but sadness. Kiriya was dying again. He wasn’t human like he thought. He was a bugster. But he still loved and cared about him. He cared about Kiriya more than anyone. They’ve been dating for two years. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu loved him more than anything. Despite of his own father treating him like shit. Making him believe that he’s not good enough to become a doctor, Kiriya was his shining light. (Aside for being a lier.)</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu had a nightmare a year ago of him dying. From that day he promised to protect him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>But, he failed.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Tears formed in his eyes. He really didn’t wanted to cry. Kiriya knew how much he doesn’t like to see his boyfriend in tears or in any pain. Instead, he cups Emu’s left cheek, wiping his tears away before they could fall down his cheeks.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ace… Come on lighten up! I’ll be okay.” Kiriya said to bright up the mood.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu could tell that he lied right to his face. But he had a good reason to do it. Because he loved him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He didn’t want to say goodbye to Emu this way, aside from the first time he died in front of him. He didn’t want a painful goodbye for Emu, one last time.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Kiriya-san… I…”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ace. Don’t say anything.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“B-but-”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Kiriya pulled Emu by his shirt, hugging him into his arms. “Just… don’t say anything, okay? Not for now.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu felt his partner’s heartbeat in his chest. It was fading away minute by minute. Slipping away from Kiriya’s lifespan. Emu hugged him tight, without letting him go. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He didn’t wanted him to let go of him.</p><p> </p><p>He didn’t wanted him to die.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted for him to stay alive. Emu knew it was a selfish thing to think of. But he didn’t wanted to lose Kiriya again.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Looks like… my time is up, Ace.”</p><p> </p><p>“E-eh…?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Kiriya pushed him away from the hug. He cupped Emu’s cheeks, tears falling down the pink rider’s face.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Emu… change fate.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“K-Kiriya-san… please don’t…”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Multiple tears came down his cheeks, feeling his hands shaking in fear.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Em-”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu pushed Kiriya to the cold wet ground, pinning him with his both arms.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ace, what the hell?!”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The pink rider’s tears streamed down his face, dripping on Kiriya’s face, escaping sobs.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Emu…”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Y-you can’t die, Kiriya-san…” Emu stammered. “I lost you once. And I can’t bear to lose you again!”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Kiriya thinks back to Christmas Eve of 2016. That the first time Kiriya lost his life. It was a nightmare for Emu. He lost Kujou Kiriya.</p><p> </p><p>“Ace. Do you remember back when… you first asked me out?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu’s face turned red more than a tomato. “W-where did that come from out of no where?!”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Just answer the question.” Kiriya chuckled.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu sighs. “Yes. I do remember."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu stood in front of the entrance of CR, knowing if Kiriya was there. His heart beated faster more than running a marathon. He knew him for a few weeks. Emu wanted to get to know him better. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Come on, Houjou, you can do this. Just ask Kiriya-san.” Emu says. “Ask him out on a d-d-d-date.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu’s face turned incredibly heated. He scratches his head in nervousness. “Why is it so hard to ask someone out…”  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu was flustered. He had a hard time trying to ask Kiriya out on a Christmas Eve date. But why did he feel so nervous to ask him. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> He takes a deep breath, letting it out. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> The doors to CR open as Emu walks in. He looked around to see if Emu saw anyone inside. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Seems there’s sign of anyone here. Well, they all do have long shifts… And Christmas is tomorrow too.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu heard the door be open, Kiriya walked into CR with a big box in his hands. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Yo, Ace.” He says. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “K-Kiriya-san!” Emu stammers. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Emu notices the box that he’s holding. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “What’s in the box, Kiriya-san?” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Poppy suggested to decorate CR for Christmas Eve since everyone will be home for Christmas tomorrow.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Oh, that’s right!” Emu exclaimed. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Since she's out doing errands for the party tonight. Plus Hiiro and Taiga are stuck working for 7 hours, I guess it’s just us to decorate until she gets back.” Kiriya says. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “You and me? Here? A-Alone?” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu’s cheeks turned red. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Uh, yeah. Why? Is there a problem with that?” Kiriya raises an eyebrow. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “No, no, no, no, of course not!” Emu says in a panicked tone. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Alright, don’t get your gamer pants in a twist, okay?” Kiriya laughs. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu pouts. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Come on, let’s decorate before Poppy gets back.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He nods. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Kiriya puts the big box of Christmas decorations on the table. He hands Emu a green ribbon and some tape from his pocket. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “So, Ace, what are you doing for Christmas tomorrow? Spending it with your family?” Kiriya asked. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Emu froze. It been 3 years since he heard the word “family” </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Um… I’m afraid not this year. My parents are um… dead.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m sorry.” Kiriya apologized. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s alright Kiriya-san.” Emu smiled. And to answer your question, I’m going to celebrate Christmas on my own. Like I do every year.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> The yellow rider felt bad for Emu. He didn’t knew much about him. Hearing that made him feel shocked about his past. Little so he knew about Emu. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> The pink rider sticks the green ribbon onto the wall. A smile appeared on Emu’s face. He was happy to celebrate Christmas Eve with everyone. It was almost like a family to him. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu returned to the table to get more decorations. He grabs a small decorative christmas tree, then placing it on the center of the table. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “What about you, Kiriya-san? What are you doing for Christmas?” Emu asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’m just going to spend it with my, you know.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> He didn’t wanted to say family again so he wouldn’t make Emu uncomfortable. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “That sounds great, Kiriya-san.” Emu smiles. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Kiriya feels bad for Emu celebrating Christmas on his own. He would be all alone on Christmas Day. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Actually, here's the thing. I think I’ll change my plans for tomorrow.” Kiriya says. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Eh? What are you talking about?” Emu asks. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “How bout this, Ace? I’ll spend Christmas Day with you.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu’s cheeks lit up. He didn’t expected to him to ask that. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Kiriya-san, I appreciate the offer but… I couldn’t possibly allow you to celebrate Christmas Day with me. You should spend it with your loved ones." </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “But, Ace-” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s okay, Kiriya-san. I’ll be okay. Besides, I’m used to being alone on Christmas Day.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> He couldn’t tell if Emu was lying or not. But he could tell that he was hurting inside. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “We should finish up before Poppy-” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu felt something warm from his behind. It was Kiriya’s hug. His heart skipped a beat. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Kiriya-s-san? What are you-” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “I know you’re lying to me, Ace.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Of course not I couldn’t say such a thing.” Emu says trying to make an excuse. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Emu… just tell me how you feel. I can see it in your eyes that you’re hurting.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em>  Emu pulls away from the hug. “Kiriya-san I’m f-” </em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “No. You’re not fine, Emu. You can’t just look at me in eye and say that you’re fine.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Kiriya never called Emu by his first name than “Ace” He was serious and worried for his comrade. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu’s lips quivered. Tears began to fall down his cheeks. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “It’s… lonely sometimes. Spending Christmas Day alone by yourself. I get asked by my patients, ‘Houjou-sensei, are you celebrating Christmas this year? I can’t disappoint them by lying to them. I just say, I have much work to attend to. Making my patients happy is the best present I can get.” Emu confesses. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “By the end of the day, I celebrate it by myself. It fine really.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu wipes his tears away with his hands. "I’m used to working long hours and celebrating Christmas on my own. So it’s fine." </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “I didn’t… knew about that.” Kiriya says. “I’m sorry that you feel like that, Ace" </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “But.”  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “But?” Emu asked. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “That is going to change. I’m canceling my Christmas Day plans with my family and I’m going to stay at your place and give you the best Christmas ever.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Kiriya-san but-” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “You can’t say no to my offer, Ace. It’s the least I can do for you, anyways."<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Emu sighs. “I guess I can’t say no.” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Good.” Kiriya smirked. “Now let’s finish up till Poppy comes back.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> "Actually, Kiriya-san? T-There’s something I wanted to ask you.” Emu stammered. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Ace, I already know what are you gonna say. And yes, it’s a date.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Huh?! How did you-” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Dude, your red face had it all over. It was noticeable.” Kiriya laughs. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “It was that noticeable?” Emu asked, flustered. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Pretty much, yeah.” Kiriya says. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “Then, um… It’s a date!” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> “I’ll promise you, Ace, it will be the best Christmas ever.” </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Kujou Kiriya died on Christmas Eve. Emu once again spent Christmas alone in his apartment. Since that night, he started having nightmares about losing Kiriya over and over. It wasn’t even his fault, still.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Kiriya repaid him a year later making him have the best Christmas ever. But Emu still had nightmares about letting Kiriya die. Making him trigger his panic attacks and anxiety. Emu wasn’t the same after that. After he started dating him, he made him feel more safe. Kiriya was there for him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“A...Ace… Take care of CR for me, will ya? You’ll become an amazing doctor.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“K-Kiriya-san, what are you-”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you, Houjou Emu.” Kiriya smirked.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Kiriya’s body turned into yellow sparkles, making his soul disappear.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Kiriya-san? No, no, no, no, no, please don’t go, Kiriya-san!”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu held him in his arms making sure he didn’t let him go. He bursted into tears without holding back.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Kiriya-san, please don’t die, I’m begging you! Y-you have to fight this!” Emu sobbed.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The yellow rider’s body vanishes away in particles of light in the air. Emu opened his eyes, but didn’t see Kiriya’s body anywhere. He’s now gone forever.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Kiriya...san?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Tears began to flow down his cheeks. He didn’t want to accept that his partner was gone. He failed him for good.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Kiriya-san…” Emu sobbed. “I’m so sorry…”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu cried and cried for his partner. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It was Christmas Eve all over again.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The nightmares and the bad dreams came true.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Kujou Kiriya was gone for good.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Emu!”</p><p> </p><p>The pink rider looked to his right and saw Asuna running towards him, with Saiko behind her.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Are you okay? Where’s Kiriya and Kuruto?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Emu didn’t respond to Asuna. He kept crying his heart out. Screaming Kiriya’s name.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Saiko-sensei, can you leave me alone with Emu?” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Of course.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Saiko ran back to the hospital. Leaving the both riders alone.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Asuna turns to her comrade, comforting him. She knows how heartbroken he was when Kiriya died. Of course, Emu was scared to lose him. But she was too late.</p><p>
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</p><p>“Emu, look at me.” Asuna says. “Where is Kiriya and Kuruto?”</p><p>
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</p><p>He still didn’t responded. Emu was completely shattered. He lost Kiriya twice now.</p><p>
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</p><p>Was Emu still Kamen Rider Ex Aid?</p><p>
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</p><p>Could he save the people that he loved?</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>Can Emu even save himself from this?</p><p>
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</p><p>“Emu-”</p><p>
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</p><p>“THEY”RE BOTH DEAD, ASUNA-SAN! KURUTO-SAN IS DEAD, KIRIYA-SAN IS DEAD, THEY ARE BOTH DEAD! I COULDN’T SAVE THEM BOTH! I LOST KIRIYA-SAN AGAIN AND I CAN’T BRING HIM BACK THIS TIME!”</p><p>“Emu…”</p><p>
  <br/>
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</p><p>Asuna pulled him for a comforting hug, holding him tight. She didn’t see him snap like this before. Not ever. Kiriya meant everything to Emu. But now he’s gone. And there’s nothing he can do about it.</p><p>
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</p><p>“I lost him forever, Asuna-san… I can’t… bring him back.” Emu sobbed.</p><p>
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</p><p>Asuna was about to tell him about the cure to bring everyone back to normal. It was also possible to bring Kiriya back too. But It could wait for Emu’s sake of the being. He was too broken.</p><p>
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</p><p>“Let me take you back home, Emu. You can’t drive like this.</p><p>
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</p><p>“I’d rather walk home.”</p><p>
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</p><p>He stood up from the wet and cold ground, walking himself home with tears down his face, holding them back.</p><p>
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</p><p>Emu didn’t realize that he’d snap hard at Asuna like that. But he couldn’t help himself. He was heartbroken. Not than just heartbroken.</p><p>
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</p><p>He was just… shattered. Emu lost the love of his life.</p><p>
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</p><p>His partner.</p><p>
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</p><p>His lover.</p><p>
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</p><p>The person who meant everything to him.</p><p>
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</p><p>Kujou Kiriya was… gone forever.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! follow me on @emuhoujous on tumblr and twitter!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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